field-guide.adoc (973B)
1 [.subheader] 2 An unnecessarily authoritative guide to urban bird bravado. 3 4 == Field Guide to Overconfident Pigeons 5 6 [.hero] 7 -- 8 Carry this guide at all times. If a pigeon starts walking toward you like it owns a small fintech 9 startup, remain calm and avoid discussing quarterly projections. 10 -- 11 12 == Threat Levels 13 14 [.threat-card] 15 -- 16 *Level 1: Crumb Auditor* 17 18 Appears harmless, but is counting your pretzel bites with the emotional intensity of a tax agency. 19 -- 20 21 [.threat-card] 22 -- 23 *Level 2: Sidewalk Influencer* 24 25 Refuses to move, maintains eye contact, and somehow makes you feel underdressed near a bus stop. 26 -- 27 28 [.threat-card] 29 -- 30 *Level 3: Regional Vice Pigeon* 31 32 Travels with two associates, nods once, and suddenly every baguette in a five-block radius is a 33 "strategic asset." 34 -- 35 36 == Recommended Response 37 38 Offer no crumbs, make no promises, and slowly redirect attention toward someone holding a burrito. 39 If that fails, visit link:home[the homepage] and regroup emotionally.